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Correct me if I'm wrong, but...

     I consider myself a feminist, but at the same time I think its better to be an equalist even though it isn't an organised party of sorts. I read in TIME Magazine the other day about these free camps that help teach girls and girls alone computer science and help prepare them for a career. I get that there is a gap in men to women ratio of workers in math and computer sciences as well as sports (I hate sports by the way), but did it ever occur to them that its not the quota that says "Hi were not a discriminatory school! See we have the same amount of guys and girls in this one subject!", but maybe there isn't as much of an interest in these fields among girls? This may or may not be true, and I could sound like a total dick, but its something to think of. They try to force these girls in these camps to prove society wrong and to work in this industry, but every girl that doesn't want to be there could one less guy that might want to be there? Logic is weird, people are weird. I do sound selfish, but these equal liberty organizations say they believe in a world were men and women work together in harmony, except they exclusive only to girls.
     I would love a programming tutor, because I suck balls at scripting, and I want to get better, but there only option for me is to teach myself with outdated library books, online tutorials, and a lot of trial and error. Of course college is there, but that's far away, and waaaayyyy overpriced in this economy. Self teaching is a wonderful thing, and maybe a teacher would just make me loose sight that I'm doing this for me, not the teacher; sometimes teachers suck like that. I used to do educational video games that I'd take 20+ hours on then I would be rewarded with a D, whereas to the kid that did a fucking diorama in five minutes got an A!?!?! I don't even try anymore at school because the work I do is not appreciated, I do the bare minimum, then use that extra time for my own personal projects for me. Its funny that an arts school would be the school that doesn't appreciate arts in all forms. VIDEO GAMES ARE ART!!! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL DSA!!! hmmm... phewww... Its something I deal with on the daily, because I'm not the average outspoken theater major who talks in clicks, I enjoy the company of people who actually give a shit about me and are real people. I chose my friends carefully, and am always open, but my peers are quite shallow and as Holden would say "Phonies"
     I don't need anyone's approval, or appreciation, because Van Gogh wasn't appreciated, yet used that depression to make the most beautiful paintings I've ever seen; only bad thing is he killed himself. Its quite common that nobody will give a shit about your work, or be inspired by it until you're dead. Wow, that's actually really depressing, but I don't care. I don't care, because I enjoy the work, the process, the hardships, the little triumphs. The lets plays, the reviews, the comments, the views... All of these things are little confidence boosters that keep me going my merry way making better games, not the inspired from pure loneliness of my 7th grade year with lunches by yourself Quit Instigating & The Last Input. Honestly I have no clue where I'm going with this, because originally the article was going to be about feminism, logic, but now its just me complaining about my life like every other teenager's blog out there. I love my life. I have a desktop, laptop, and a roof over my head what else is there to want? Maybe company, but obviously none of the girls at school like me, regardless of how nice I'm in person to everyone. I just want to get over with high school you know? Go to college, get a degree in computer science, become fluent in french, then become a citizen of Canada. Canada sounds nice, plus if they let me; I could work at Ubisoft!

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