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An Update

     So to start off I view games as a therapeutic medium for self expression or self preservation for me. I came out to my parents the night I released the game. I didn't want to have them know from a video game, but I wanted them to know all the same. You never can fully know what will happen when you come out, if it goes good or bad; I would think in it in terms as if the scenario was a text adventure with branching endings that depended on how it happened, so I went through every possible outcome in my head since I was 12. I came up with a list a while back of fun ways to brake the ice when I do come out to my parents or friends; some of them are quite hilarious I think. I knew they wouldn't see the post since they don't read my blog at all, but these were opportunities that I was just waiting for that I might feel comfortable carrying out. I was caught off guard. My parents were watching YouTube on the ps3 in the living room and were looking for my videos (trailers and stuff of old games), but instead found the tab listed "liked videos" which have a lot of coming out stories on it that I've watched thousands of since the dawn of time which gave me enough confidence to get out of bed everyday when I was self conscious about my sexuality. Because I didn't feel straight enough, or gay enough. I didn't accept myself then, but every video helped a little bit.
     So they asked me "Are you gay?", and as my left knee was shaking, my heart was racing, my back was itching I said "Well I'm bi, but if it helps you understand that I like and have always been attracted to guys then yes." I kept my cool, stood my ground, and didn't get emotional or anything because I wanted them to know I was sure since they already with the barrage of questions upon the same questions and the "you're too young to know", "but you've never been with a girl nor guy", "but eventually you'll still end up with a girl right?", "Its just a phase", but I had to correct them over and over again saying "No, I've always known, still your son, and I will always be attracted to sexually and romantically to men regardless if I'm in a committed relationship with a women." It was like a scary jeopardy that lasted for hours, and I still don't think they understand or even believe me. I went to bed that night scared, but happy; happy that it's done, happy that this extreme weight has been partially lifted, happy that I don't have to censor myself as much. I'm not fully out to everyone, but does it matter? I'm out to most of the people I care about and that's fine for now.
     This game may not be good, it may suck, but it helped me immensely get my feelings out partially so that I could continue living that lie with less anxiety. It used to be a space sim, but then I got a little depressed to the point where all I could think of was that lie to the point where it consumed my art. If you're reading this, thanks for hearing me out, maybe you'll play the game? Maybe not. It doesn't really matter. I didn't advertise this game on my Facebook page, because my grandma has a Facebook. I didn't advertise this game on my twitter, because people follow me. I'd probably wouldn't have wrote this article tonight, but something inside me felt like it needed to happen; the same something that pushed the words "Well I'm bi..." out of my breath, because if I didn't do that I wouldn't be truely happy, and honestly that's all I want in my life: to be happy. And right now as I finish writing this thought as I finished the free flowing consciousness that I called Tales from the outerspace I want to leave you with this little tid bit, so if you're in a place like the one I was in and stuck there by yourself, your expectations, your family, friends, people, and life losses the inspiration then you need to first come out to yourself which is what this game did for me, second you need to try the low hanging fruit which you know FOR A FACT will always have your six and give you a plate carrier hug if you did come out during an airsoft battle, then be prepared because the big one may not be on your terms so hold your ground, keep cool, don't get emotional, then take a breath and speak.