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I only see the bad reviews


Less than a day ago my game Awkward Dimensions Redux was released. Since then it has been played by 3,779 players, 12 of which sent me very nicely written emails and or friend requests about how much they enjoyed the game and how it has affected them. There are as of now 48 reviews, and 4 of those reviews are negative. One review is actually fair, it mentioned how the game was too artistic for their tastes, but that an art school student would actually enjoy it. Another review said it was the "most pretentious shit" they've ever interacted with, which if you look at it can be a compliment. Third review admitted to the game being a good interesting game, but because they had a headache they couldn't give it a good review. And finally and foremost a seven paragraph essay chalked full of as many insults and profanity as possible. At first I had a good laugh at the immense detail and passion that went into crafting this essay of hate; it was impressive. However, I couldn't possibly reply with anything other than "Thanks for playing! :)" or else I'd be called out as being another Jonathan Blow who can't take criticism. I can't be sarcastic. I can't let them know that they misinterpreted the game, and that maybe some of their rage would be alleviated because of that. That they got me all wrong... I can't stand up for myself, because this game isn't just a game; it's me. Which I don't mean to make it difficult for people to write about the game, but there is another person at the other end who will be the first to read. And these accounts have only mostly negative reviews, they get off to others pain. It's funny at first, but those comments full of hate in the self destruct level didn't belong to others; they were mine. I am my own worst critic. I think my games are buggy shit, with shitty typos... unplayable shit... pretentious shit... that my voice in games is worthless, that I am worthless... That wasn't me "shaming" the reviewers for calling my games out on bugs, that was me hating myself. It gets to me, because it's just an echo of me. Of what I thought was just the old me. I thought this game would help me silence that voice in the back of my head, but it only externalized it in the voices of others.

So, what do I do? Do I mute the world? Even if that attention is what makes me feel alive; it's what makes me feel real--validated? What's worse, no contact with the outer world or negative contact with the outer world?

It's not like I scammed them out of any money, the game is free. I am to the haters a waste of time and space, that I either bore them or infuriate them. But at least there is a reaction right? That means that I created good art that invoked a response. True, it's not a very nice response. Yet a response nonetheless. So I did it! I proved how videogames are art. And who knows, maybe my game will be a angsty classic like The Catcher in the Rye or Howl. Who knows?

I need to get some sleep, I've got 4 college application essays to write in the morning.

Comments

  1. Good luck on the College Applications.

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  2. Hey man the game was good. Your voice acting is good because its not normal. Your still is shitty but its you shitty and that makes it unique and good. I dont understand how it was pretentious at all, I think it was a sum of your surroundings resulting in the creation of a game that reflected that but engrained with your passion and a lot of your soul. I think its retarded that people play games and expect to be treated well and put no effort or understanding in it. Dont let the haters tell you its fake and gay, its you and you arent fake and gay you are real and gay and thats A-OKAY. Peace man

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    Replies
    1. jesus christ my spelling. *style is shitty but its you shitty

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